Plays ask questions about life and society, and Primary Trust raises questions about loneliness and how we connect with others. This is especially important in modern life, as even prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, the United States Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, described how the U.S. is stuck in an “epidemic of loneliness.” A report by the Making Caring Common Project at Harvard University estimates that 36% of Americans feel “serious loneliness.” These rates are higher for certain populations, such as 61% of young adults and 51% of mothers with young children, and have increased since the onset of the global pandemic. An increased reliance on technology and a fast pace of living have “edged out” the messiness of real relationships, and this has a broad-ranging impact. 

Although Primary Trust is set before cell phones became a crucial method of human connection and long before the pandemic, these modern-day issues have led to greater attention on loneliness. The resulting research helps to shed light on what has been a longstanding human predicament.

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WHAT IS LONELINESS?

In order to discuss and understand loneliness, it first needs to be defined. Those who study it agree that loneliness is experienced as a perceived gap between one’s preferred and actual relationships. It’s distinct from social isolation, which is a measurement that quantifies the number of contacts one has, rather than the quality. People can have many contacts and still experience loneliness, or have very few and be content.

At its core, loneliness is a gap between expectations and experience. It’s about knowing the kind of relationships and closeness that you want, but finding yourself unable to fulfill those needs. There are different types of loneliness as well—intimate (partner or close friends), relational (friendships and family), or collective lonelinesses (related to social identities or networks). Physically being alone or in a group has little bearing on feelings of loneliness. One can feel lonely in a crowded room or even in a marriage.

According to John T. Cacciopo and William Patrick, authors of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection:

[Humans, as a social species] require not simply the presence of others but also the presence of significant others whom they can trust, who give them a goal in life, with whom they can plan, interact, and work together to survive and prosper.

When feelings of loneliness are triggered, parts of the brain monitoring danger (such as the amygdala) release a flood of stress hormones. This causes a “fight or flight” response in the body, characterized by a rise in heart rate, blood pressure, and blood sugar, and the creation of more inflammatory cells to repair damage and fewer virus-fighting antibodies. This is all a natural process, meant to encourage the body to seek out what it needs, just like hunger or thirst. But sustained over long periods of time, loneliness can have serious mental and physical health effects.

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THE COMORBIDITIES OF LONELINESS

Unsurprisingly, high rates of loneliness can have negative effects on overall mental health, causing higher rates of depression and anxiety, as well as substance abuse. More startlingly, loneliness can put people at greater risk of physical ailments like heart disease, cancer, stroke, hypertension, and dementia. A study led by Dr. Angie S. Leroy from Rice University’s Department of Psychology concluded that lonely people exposed to a cold virus were more likely to become sick than those who did not report feelings of loneliness. An analysis by psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University suggests that loneliness and isolation can produce health outcomes similar to those caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Modern society also fails to recognize the economic costs of loneliness. According to studies by AARP (formerly known as the American Association of Retired Persons) and Cigna, a health insurance company, social isolation and related factors cost nearly $6.7 billion in Medicare spending and more than $154 billion annually for employers due to stress-related employee absences and job turnover.

Despite all this, “the culture has moved slowly to address the epidemic,” Dr. Murthy said, “treating loneliness as an unpleasant feeling rather than a public health crisis.”

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WHO DOES LONELINESS AFFECT?

Loneliness is a society-wide epidemic, but it has heightened effects on certain populations. As previously stated, over 60% of young adults experience loneliness, making them the most affected age group, followed by elderly populations.

A report from the Making Caring Common Project found other affected populations, including single, divorced, or separated adults, and mothers with small children, 51% of whom reported serious loneliness that increased during the pandemic.

Race also factors into experienced loneliness. A 2021 survey commissioned by Cigna reported that

75% of Hispanic adults and 68% of Black/African American adults are classified as lonely – at least 10 points higher than what is seen among the total adult population (58%).

Those who identify themselves as lower income also often report higher rates of loneliness. It is no coincidence that the groups deprioritized by American society—people of color, mothers, poor people—bear the brunt of the loneliness epidemic.

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WHAT CAUSES LONELINESS?

It is impossible to pinpoint one universal cause of loneliness, but some researches have drawn connections to social media, a lack of sufficient social-emotional learning, as well as economic and societal factors.

People are more connected through phones, video chat, social media, and other virtual means of communication than ever, but loneliness continues to rise. Social media and its hyper-curated feeds can deepen feelings of isolation or FOMO (fear of missing out) and leave people longing for the connection that they perceive others have achieved.

The Making Caring Common project posits that American family systems and school curriculums often do little to teach children the skills necessary for long-lasting, caring friendships, deemphasizing capacities for listening, self-reflection, empathy, and sensitive communication. Education tends to inadequately prepare young people for mature romantic relationships as well. According to the Making Caring Common Project:

[L]earning how to love may be the most important thing that we do, yet in our families and schools we do almost nothing to prepare young people for [this] subtle, tender, generous, courageous, and tough-minded work.

In addition to affecting those marginalized by our capitalist culture, loneliness also affects those who are succeeding in a money-focus world. The conditions one has to submit to in order to obtain “success” cultivate feelings of loneliness. Americans are moving away from home and family and marrying later than ever, working longer hours, and traveling more for work. In Primary Trust, Kenneth’s personal closest connections grow out of his work environments. This reflects one of today’s realities. According to the Survey Center on American Life:

Americans are now more likely to make friends at work than any other way—including at school, in their neighborhood, at their place of worship, or even through existing friends.

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ADULT FRIENDSHIP AND THE IMPACT OF THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC

The pandemic has taken a toll on friendships, with nearly half of adults having lost touch with a few friends since 2020. Almost 10% of Americans reported losing touch with most of their friends during this time.

Most American adults didn’t have a large number of friends to begin with. According to the Survey Center on American Life, about half of all adults report having three or fewer friends. While 13% of the population reports having 10 or more close friends, which is roughly the same number as those who report having no close friends.

Even before the pandemic, few American adults reported reliance on friends for personal and emotional support, instead putting more reliance on partners or parents. The trend has continued. Young men are increasingly likely to rely on parents for this type of support, with 36% saying that parents are the first people they reach out to when dealing with a personal dilemma. For young women, this figure is still high, about 24%.

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WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT LONELINESS?

Given that adult loneliness is a society-wide epidemic, rather than a personal deficiency, it is important to address the issue on both a community and nationwide scale.

The Making Caring Common Project recommends resources for families, educators, and colleges that provide strategies to help people cope with loneliness, as well as messages that point out and redirect the self-critical tendencies that are often common for those experiencing loneliness. They encourage investment in our social infrastructure, and describe how:

[O]ur key institutions—including health care systems, workplaces, religious and secular community organizations, schools and colleges—can be far more intentional and systematic about connecting us to each other and encouraging and supporting people in caring for those who are lonely.

Rather than merely providing support to lonely individuals, new research recommends providing lonely people a way to give support back to their community and participate in mutual aid. According to University of Chicago professor of psychiatry and neuroscience, Stephanie Cacioppo:  

[T]he best thing you can do for someone who is lonely is not to give them help but ask them for help. So you give them a sense of worth and a chance to be altruistic. Even if we’re getting the best care, we still feel lonely if we can’t give something back.

Dr. Murthy also emphasizes a focus on tackling the culture that creates loneliness, rather than “fixing” lonely individuals. “We ask people to exercise and eat a healthy diet and take their medications,” he said, “but if we truly want to be healthy, happy and fulfilled as a society, we have to restructure our lives around people. Right now our lives are centered around work.” When Kenneth loses his job, a switch flips in the otherwise daily monotony of his world. He chooses change, and finds community along the way.  

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